MAKING GOD GO FETCH--Would You Like Modern Evangelicalism or the Bible?

I despise those ads. Those ads are the ones being run by Interstate Batteries. You've probably seen them. The ad I remember most clearly has two cartoon men trying to park in the same parking spot. Both are mad, then one gets a goofy look and cute little hearts start floating through the air from his chest to the other man's chest. Immediately, the other man gets the same goofy look. The two cartoon men are drawn much like one would expect the characters in a Bambi cartoon for preschool children to be drawn. The constant smile, and eyes the size of dinner plates. Interstate Batteries is run by a fellow named Norm Miller and if one goes to the website promoted on the ads one ends up at a linked site that supposedly gives the gospel. Sounds great, right?

Buuuttt.....maaybeee.....nooottt.......

The ads don't say the gospel and when one follows the links one won't find the gospel there, either, except in a very distorted and disguised form that isn't the gospel found in Scripture.

If one starts with the ads, they are effeminate, speaking only of "love" and not the sort of love spoken of by Scripture. It's a sappy, emotional "love", the sentimentality characteristic of bed time stories for very small children or stories for very young girls. This sort of distorted "gospel" is, in my opinion, why we see so few men in the "churches". And why most of the males there are often effeminate in both manner and personality, unable to get angry about evil, but ready to flash mad at anyone who dares defend biblical orthodoxy, because anyone who does such a thing isn't very nice.

There's a reason for their distorted "love" in the ads. The reason is their effeminate, quasi-Christian doctrine. And such doctrines are the fruit of the constant wish for a god incapable of anger, but always anxious to nurture.

If one follows their links to find their "gospel", you will find this heresy: "What's the problem? ...that God-shaped emptiness..." So then, according the Norm Miller and Interstate Batteries, the reason we should turn to God is "that God-shaped emptiness". Man, then, isn't a sinner. He's just lonely.

This contradicts the Bible and Jesus' message. Jesus told us to repent because the Kingdom of God was at hand and in Matthew 4:17 we see that is the heart of His message. Who gave Norm Miller, Interstate Batteries or anyone else permission to change the gospel once bestowed? Norm Miller doesn't tell anyone to repent, but only to pray a particular prayer he gives for us to repeat--an idea NOT FOUND ANYWHERE IN SCRIPTURE.

When I saw the ads, I wasn't sure if the company was run by Modern Evangelicals or by Mormons. I thought probably Mormons. The reason is simple. The ads say nothing that the Mormons (or Joel Osteen, or Christian Science, or Seventh Day Adventists, or Jews, or Oprah Winfrey) might say. And Mormons run very similar ads about family "love" or God's "love" and it's always the same content-free pablum. And when one follows the links one finds a "gospel" that is the same "gospel" one will hear from Mormon missionaries at the first meeting--Mormons love to quote John 3:16 and tell you to "accept Jesus", just like Billy Graham. Even Jehovah's witnesses present much the same thing, except that they won't say Jesus was God. The Mormons will.

Do you see the difference? If not, you're probably a typical Evangelical, as I once was. And these ads are typical of the Modern Evangelical "gospel".

Now you may object. You might say, "But the site does mention sin and God's perfect moral character as the real problem."

If you reread the link, the problem isn't sin. It's the emptiness. Sin and God's perfect moral character is mentioned as a problem, but it's not the main problem or the motivation to turn to God. It is mentioned late in the presentation as a problem, not the problem. Sin is presented only as a problem because it might keep us from getting our empty hearts filled.

This approach is done because some see it as a good reason to get folks to listen. Truthfully, though, it gets very few. It gets only a few because it smells like a pitch. And it is. Adults, especially men, don't listen to this much because it's such a juvenile approach. Even the kids don't listen much. They're too busy being kids to spend ten minutes experiencing existential angst. Face it; they can't even spell existential angst.

As odd as it sounds I always find that I get more ears on the street if I go straight to the meat: Repent. Judgment is coming, because you won't live forever. More important you won't find the sticky-gooey approach in Scripture. In all of Scripture one cannot find this let's-all-have-a-good-cry-together-cuz-we're-all-so-lonely-snd-forlorn approach. It's here's a righteous God. He's coming for you. What are you going to do about it? Take up your cross.

Which brings up another way that Miller and most pastors lie to folks. The Scripture says we're supposed to suffer for Christ and if we don't we aren't His. Yet, this corn-syrup-and-brown-sugar "gospel" says, "Come ta Geezus cuz yur lonely." No talk of cross-bearing allowed.

I have to admit the Scripture does indicate God fulfills us. It's a major theme of Scripture. It's just not the gospel. It seems to be the feature the salesman didn't mention, but you found after you got the car home.

Even worse, if one follows the link to the Interstate Batteries website to find their "gospel", an outside link is recommended. Follow that site's links for men and one gets here. It's blasphemous. There one is encouraged to "give God a try"!!!!!!

WAIT! This is the Sovereign of creation! You're going to give Him a try? Is He supposed to be happy that you picked Him to play on your team? And what if He doesn't meet your test? That's blasphemy and the only reason it doesn't make us recoil in disgust is that it's just the sort of heresy we've been swimming in inside the Evangelical "church" for the past 50 or so years. You won't find this sort of stuff in Spurgeon or Henry.

Most important, you won't find it in the Bible.

This idea of "trying" God out makes salvation a work of man, to be undone by man when man decides God's performance fulfilling us isn't up to man's expectations. Thus Miller blasphemes against the God Who said, "For this reason I have said to you, that no one can come to Me, unless it has been granted him from the Father," and, "Everyone who has heard and learned from the Father, comes to Me." John 6:45 and 65.

More blasphemous still, the concocted notion that one can "try" God, puts man in the catbird seat, deciding if God is good enough in His role of providing personal fulfillment for me. Since when did God say we are the judges? Isn't that the very essence of sin itself? We get to judge God's commandments to see if we think we'll obey them. Now Miller, and much of the Evangelical "church", has extended the dominion of man. We can now determine if God's commandment to repent and follow Him is appropriately satisifying to us by way of fulfilling our wonderful little hearts.

How nice of God to try so hard for us, don't you think? Pat Him on His little head. Fetch, God! Fetch! Atta boy, God! Maybe a little faster next time, okay? And see if you can't let up on the slobber some. It's kinda gross.

This is filthy stuff, but I used to believe it. And I spewed it, too. So, if I ever act like I'm not guilty, hit me on the head. Hard. It took a lot of time swimming in Scripture every day and slowly my mind began to be different.

Now if you've read much of my palaver lately you know one of the things that's been on my mind is the "aphronism" of our age in the "church". What I mean by that is the tendency to not think and the dislike for rational, biblical thought. (From the Greek "aphron".)

Could it be that a movement which majors on the emotional and sees a particular emotional state as the greatest goal, or at least a sign of spiritual achievement in the eyes of its god, might under value rationality?

This is the true state of Modern Evangelicalism. For instance, one will often argue with a "Christian" about a biblical doctrine or ethic and be met with "the Spirit hasn't convicted me of that yet". That is to say the objector is willing to reject what is plainly written in the Scripture they claim to obey for something else which they claim is indicated by their inner state. And they see no contradiction or, worse yet, they see the contradiction intellectually, but prefer to ignore it in order to preserve the tingles they have gotten by serving their own emotional appetites. At other times a speaker or "service" will be valued over another, not on the basis of the actual doctrinal content of the "service" or the speaker's sermon, but on the emotional response experienced.

If Jesus or Paul came back today, they would rail against Evangelicals. Neither of them ever presented the "gospel" in the syrupy manner Miller does, which is the manner it usually is in most "churches".

Thought has consequences. And so does its absence.

In Christ,
Phil Perkins.