PHARISEES OF LUUV

There is a new Pharisee in town. Like the Pharisee of old, she is pompous. Unlike the Pharisee of old, she cloaks her sin in a false righteousness of love, instead of a false righteousness of law keeping. By using the term “she” I am not implying that all the new Pharisees are female, only that they are feminine.

I. Identity of the Pharisees of Luuv.


The Pharisees of Luuv major on religion and minor on obedience. They are the uptight, white-knuckled, super religious folks in every Evangelical church bent on making sure everyone else knows just how “loving” they are. They hate others, forbid to speak much of sin and righteousness, and ban terms like “false-teacher,” “liar,” or “repent.”

Sometimes other names for these modern zealots come to mind. Here are a few of my favorites. Take and keep the ones you like. I call them the Laodecians of Luuv, the Willowy Wusses of Wimpism, the Uptight Ultra-religious, the Sultans of Smarm, the Sadducees of Sap, or simply Smarmisees. Make up your own and share them with your friends. The Spirit used humorous terms for the terminally pious like White-washed Walls, Dung Heaps, Dogs, Liars, and many more. So this is a scriptural practice, a sound learning device, and loads of fun. Your kids will love it.

II. Evangelical Luuv defined.

A. How in the world can I pair up the idea of love with the idea of Pharisees? I don’t.

There is a difference between what the Scripture calls love and what an American Evangelical (I am one) calls love. For this article I will spell Evangelical love “Luuv,” capitalizing the noun form to indicate deity in the mind of its disciples. When spoken the vowel sound of Luuv is to be lengthened for emphasis. Add a churchy accent of your favorite flavor and you’ll have it. (Rick Warren did this in his address to the Baptist World Congress in Birmingham, England.) Scriptural love will be spelled in the conventional way—“love” because that’s what it is.

B. Evangelical Luuv may be scripturally defined as the pursuit, glorification, or valuing of that which is soft, smooth, and not likely to cause offense or controversy.

C. Luuv appears in Scripture as a vice, not a virtue.

Clergy that cow tow to this idol are threatened with God’s wrath. In Malachi God promises to seed their faces with the dung of their own religion, pronounce against their children and grandchildren, and then take the clergy out with the garbage (chapter 2, verse 3.) Evangelical Luuv is, at heart, a pursuit of things that are smooth and comforting. On the part of the clergy, it is a failure to point out the sins in our midst because the pastor doesn’t want to be ridiculed. In Malachi’s words they “show partiality in the Law.”

D. God is NOT Luuv and He never has been.

“God is Luuv,” the mantra of the spiritually mediocre, is a VERY precious lie to us Evangelicals. We depend on it to spare us from twinges of conscience and to forget passages of Scripture that tell us God is righteousness or God is truth. It is the antidote to those passages, our big eraser, a very spiritual-sounding shield against all who dare make an embarrassing observation or ask an awkward question about our conduct—especially God.


III. The Pharisees of Luuv are ungodly persons that oppose God.

Just as the Pharisees of the New Testament pretended to themselves and others that they loved God, so their modern counterparts are proved by the Lord Jesus to be imposters because they have substituted their particular brand of religion, tradition, and set of rules for the truth. Their substitute is beguiling. It seems so godly and biblical—god is Luuv. Most Pharisees believe they are godly and saved. They are not godly and most of them are not saved. They ARE supremely religious—even smarmy. Religion oozes out like syrupy poison.

Jesus, on the other hand, was a carpenter who read the Scripture and obeyed it.

IV. Rules of Pharisees of Luuv.

A. Rules are added.

The Smarmisees love to add rules. Unlike their forebears they only add a few rules, because their aim is to feel religious, by ignoring God’s rules. This is so they rarely think about their sin. The original Pharisees felt religious by adding rule upon rule in order to cover over their sin with buckets full of religious deeds and poses. The similarity is that both are aiming to feel more religious, by obscuring their sin, subtly highlighting the misdeeds of others even if those “sins” are only the violation of Pharisee Law. Both hate God and use people for their own glory.

We can break down all the rules added by the Pharisees of Luuv to just seven basics.

Rule One. Never—and I mean NEVER—tell anyone what they are doing is wrong.

Rule Two. Tell anyone who is breaking Rule One that what they are doing is wrong--WAY wrong.

Rule Three. Work “god is Luuv” into any conversation you have. That way others will know you’re luvving and they’re not.

Rule Four. Attend only discussion style Sunday School classes and Bible studies so you can get in at least three god-is-Luuv’s before the final prayer.

Rule Five. Speak very softly, like a young girl in severe pain, in order to rid the congregation of men and so others will know you’re luuving and they’re not.

Rule Six. Perfect a really good smarmy face. Try for that special my-dog-just-died-of-a-hideous- wasting-disease-but-I’m-holding-up-just-fine-thank-you-for-asking kind of smile.

Rule Seven. Frown and object any time words like sin, judgment, or repent are used, especially if the speaker really seems to mean it. Remind that big meany god is Luuv. A furrowed brow helps.

V. Rules are taken away.

This is the important part. Smarmisees don’t really take a scissors to their Bibles and cut out commandments. That would make them all lumpy and kind of thin and they don’t actually READ their Bibles anyway. They already KNOW the three IMPORTANT parts—god is Luuv, knowledge puffs up, and don’t judge (that’s their job.) Instead, they simply repeat their mantra in willowy voices every time sin and righteousness is mentioned. I think it’s kind of like x-ies when we were kids. If some big meany says “God” just say “god is luuv” and the big meany has to go away. If he doesn’t, then bring his name up in prayer meeting when he isn’t there. Use your most girlish voice when asking prayer for his un-luuving attitude. Boy, does THAT score points!

VI. Self absorption of Pharisees of Luuv.

The new Pharisees are self-oriented liars. While the emphasis seems to be right and good, centered on others, self is the over riding concern. Thus appearance is more important than substance. For instance, how many times in discussions with Smarmisees have you heard someone rebuked harshly (but in Luuv) because he spoke the truth to someone who rejected it angrily? The clueless critic will say something to the effect that the sinner would have accepted Jesus if only the speaker had spoken in the Proper Way and at the Proper Time, both of which we non-Pharisees are way too stupid to figure out on our own. The Proper Way has something to do with the painted-on cry-smile and girly voice. The Proper Time never actually comes because the scorn of a sinner will ALWAYS cause the Swamis of Swish to wet their collective pants.

They cannot tolerate rejection because they are disobedient to God or because they are not new creatures in Christ. Even a vicarious rejection through someone else in their church group is too insulting to their inner selves.

VII. Generation of Pharisees of Luuv.

Okay, here is some good news from the bad news. The bad news is that my generation did this to the church. (I bought into these lies, too.) The good news is we are getting old enough that we are becoming irrelevant and many will soon be dead. There are strong indications that God is giving us a younger generation that are more God and truth centered. For instance, today’s students in many Bible colleges are much more apt to embrace the sovereign authority of God over man’s will. Here are the names of some very good Christian leaders that are solidly scriptural: Todd Wilkin of Issues Etc., Michael Horton of The White Horse Inn, Albert Mohler, president of Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, John Piper, John McArthur, and others. Many of these good men are in their early forties, promising the church 20 years of productive leadership. This is very good news.

VIII. On-Purpose Ignorance of Pharisees of Luuv.

I use the term ignorance here in its most derogatory sense. I do not mean they are unwitting, unknowing, or ill informed, though some certainly are misled by a predominately effeminate Evangelical clergy. That would be an accident, not their fault. I am referring to the act mentioned in Romans 1 and lots of other Scripture involving the outright suppression of knowable truth. They ignore it. It is a deep-in-the-soul dishonesty, a sin inviting the wrath of God.

A. Pharisees of Luuv are ignorant of Scripture and scriptural love, ON PURPOSE.

The Pharisees of Luuv carry themselves as if they had great wisdom and insight. The truth is that they are ignorant about love—their favorite subject.

To illustrate, try this. Are love and righteousness opposite or the same? If you said “opposite,” you have full blown SOTS, Smarminess of the Soul. Get help.

God’s love is defined by the Apostle of Love, John, as obedience to God. John, after all, is he who said “God is love” in Chapter 4 of his first epistle. He also says in Chapter 5 that the Spirit of God is truth, in the first verse of his gospel that the Son of God is truth, and in Chapter 10 of his gospel that those who do not obey truth are not the Son’s sheep. But those passages don’t seem very important to the Idolaters of Luuv.

B. Pharisees of Luuv are ignorant of God, ON PURPOSE.

One evening in a laundromat, I visited with an idolater. His license plate said “REDEEMD” and he was a teacher at a reputable local church. “Great,” I thought, “he’s a brother.” We each began talking about our respective gods—mine the God of Scripture and his “the god of the New Testament.” I use quotes here because they are his words, not mine. And his words are blasphemous. He informed me that “the god of the Old Testament” killed women and children. “I will not worship that kind of god!” he said with an upturned lip and a feminine superiority in his eyes. I think he expected me to be impressed. I warned him that he was an idolater, worshipping an idol.

This is the most damning sin of the demonically syrupy. Many are like him. Convinced that the God of the Old Testament who promised to “make loving kindness on thousands of those that love Me and keep my commandments” is harsh and that the God of the New Testament who said, some “are prepared for destruction” is tender. This is plainly ignorant. They ignore the Scriptures, ON PURPOSE, to ignore God, ON PURPOSE.

C. Pharisees of Luuv are ignorant of the real outcome of their actions.

The Uptight Ultra-religious commit three errors having to do with the results of the way they act, speak, and believe. First, they believe that their syrupiness will curry favor with God. Remember Malachi? Much of the writings of the prophets have to do with people seeking comfort, not obedience. This is a sin and the outcome will be perdition for many.

Second, they believe they are doing God a favor by representing Him to others as a wuss. We can have more members if only we can be more tolerant, they say. While this mollifies the sinfully religious and pets women and children, men are repulsed by both the wuss god and the wuss preacher.

Third, they believe they are going to curry favor with unbelievers by not acting like Christians.

If getting others to like us means not being us, who do they really like? Obviously it isn’t us. After forty years of being relevant, luuving, charming, winsome, or whatever the new buzz word is from the latest Evangelical wunderkind, Americans hate Christians more than ever before. We deserve it, because we have been lying to them.

IX. Arrogance of Pharisees of Luuv.

The old Pharisees arrogantly rejected the Lord Jesus and His Father. So do the modern ones. Their rejection of God’s person will be dealt with in the next section on idolatry. In addition, they arrogantly reject His wisdom and His words.

In Sunday School I was being lectured by one of the dozen or so Smarmisees in our church. She is a good-hearted lady that is new in the faith, one of those swayed unduly by our predominately effeminate clergy. Her point was typical Evangelical syrup. We cannot be very aggressive or forceful because that is sinful. I asked her if it would be sinful to call a recalcitrant believer foolish or a false teacher a dog. Of course, it was horrible in her mind to do such a thing. I revealed these were the words of Jude and Paul and she laughed, a little embarrassed.

Jesus called the terminally pious dung heaps and more. God calls His people that stray to another god prostitutes. In Hosea, we read “you have loved the wages of a whore on every barn floor.” He obviously would not pass the smarminess test of my Sunday School friend.

Leaders and long-time churchgoers that spout such filth are so unspeakably arrogant they condemn God and all His prophets and apostles. They think they know more and are better than God and all His prophets and apostles. After all, the way God talks is sinful to them. God must be instructed in the god-is-Luuv doctrine. Then, perhaps, if He minds His manners, He can become as moral and luuving and they.

X. Idolatry of Pharisees of Luuv.

The Pharisees of Luuv despise the God of Scripture. They demonstrate this by their insistence on the down grading of God to the god-is-Luuv god. Like my idolater friend in the laundromat, they will not worship the severe God that has revealed Himself in the Bible.

“…for I, Yahweh, your (m,s) God, am a jealous God, reckoning the iniquities of the fathers upon the sons, upon the third generation, and upon the fourth generation for those who hate Me, and making loving kindness for thousands of those who love Me and keep My commandments.”

Did you recognize that quote? Where is it from? It is the second half of the Second Commandment and if you are a churchgoer and did not know that, you are probably an Evangelical or a Catholic. The first half goes like this: “Never make for yourself (m,s) an idol or any image of anything in the heavens above, in the earth beneath, or in the waters under the earth. Never worship them and never serve them, for I Yahweh am a jealous God…” Exodus 20: 4-6.

So then, the White-knucklers will only worship the god of sappiness and syrup. According to Moses’ tablets, they do NOT love God. THEY HATE HIM DEEPLY. They have so earnestly feigned love of God they have been fooled their own act. What it is important for Christians everywhere to understand is these preachers and church members are haters of God, not lovers of God, according to the Word of God.

And they will hate YOU. Remember, John defined love as obedience to God (not goosh) in I John 5: 3 and II John 6. In I John 5:2 he gives us a test to see if we love the children of God. The test is not gooshy talk, a smarmy gaze, or marshmallows on your brain. Read it here below.

“By this we know if we love the children of God, if God we are loving and His commandments we are doing. For this is the love God, that His commandments we keep, and His commandments are not hard.”

The Worshippers of Luuv FAIL the test of Scripture. They major in NOT keeping His commandments if they are outside their tradition or opinion. After all, god is Luuv so they do not have to concern themselves with a lot of Scripture.

XI. Solution to Pharisees of Luuv.
Lit me suggest four steps every church can take to end this new legalism.
A. Pastors, pull your skirts back down and preach the Bible.

Pastors, you must start being men and stop being wusses. Stop selling out for convenience and approval. Many of you have been lazy in the study and cowards in the sanctuary. Study the Scripture and just tell us what it says. Those of us that leave were not really of us.

B. Bible schools and seminaries, stress Scripture, not psychology.

Decide if you believe in the sufficiency of Scripture or not. If the Scripture is good enough “so the man of God may be adequately equipped for every good work,” then you can teach Paul and David, without Jung, Rogers, and Winfrey. You contradict your own doctrinal statements when you insist the pastor must also be trained in psychology as well as Scripture. Psychology treats sin. Scripture calls for repentance and offers redemption. There is not a happy medium between these two views.

C. Church members, hire and encourage Scripture-loving pastors.

Look for, hire, and keep pastors that major in Scripture. Good examples are John MacArthur and J. Vernon Magee. You want a man that teaches Bible and lots of it. If your pastor is weak pray for him and encourage him. He may be a good man with a sensitive nature. Special care must be given to such a man. However, if a pastor persists in mushy, unclear teaching you MUST fire him. He is not of a godly character. Weenie men often compensate for instances of cowardice by gossip and back-biting. When faced with a struggle between truth and lie, they will often attack the truth in gossip because the truth makes them face the lie. I have seen this over and over in both secular and religious settings.

D. Church boards, get rid of physical images of “Jesus.”

“Jesus” pictures glorify effeminacy.

Contrary to the Second Commandment we Evangelicals have a taste for painted images of various guys in long hair and robes. We lie to our children and say these guys are Jesus, thus condemning our children, grand children, and great grand children according to the Second commandment. All the so-called images of Jesus I have ever seen picture some idiot that just had his nails done, to paraphrase Larry Norman. The Sallman picture of the Dork at the Door (Christ at the Door to idolaters) would have us believe that the Jesus of John’s Revelation is NOT arrayed with snow white head and hair, feet of burnished bronze, a sword coming out His mouth, and eyes on FIRE! His face shone like the SUN! Revelation says that He is. You can trust John the Apostle or the clerk at the Bible Book Store. Your choice. As for me and my house, we will stick with the apostle’s version. It seems safer to me.

Sallman’s Dork at the Door is an effeminate fellow just hoping for dear life you’ll let him in. Don’t. He might ask you for a date.